as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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