you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
