I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
