Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
