you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize