So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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