This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
