I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
