There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
