Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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