I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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