yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
