his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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