I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
