I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
