If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
