I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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