the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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