yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
