Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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