I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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