I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
