Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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