I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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