So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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