Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
