you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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