I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
