His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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