I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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