I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
