Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she peed on how many people?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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