and i looked up. we had an audience...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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