Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Alive.
So much puke
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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