party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
