You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry about my life...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
