my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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