Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
