I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
