i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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