first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
