had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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