I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
