theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
