from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
