great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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