i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize