Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
