He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
