I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
