it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
