lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
