In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Small penises have feelings too.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
