just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
