bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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