But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
