He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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