my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
