I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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