also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
