Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This house was built for laser tag.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize