Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
