guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Randomize
