Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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