too bad you live with your parents still
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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