I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize