It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
