found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
