Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
