I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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