omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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